16 May 2009

The Strongest Force in the Universe

Instinct is the strongest force known to humankind.

Today has been an emotional roller coaster. It started out really tough, with only one hour of sleep last night due to Alisa's restless kicking. It wouldn't have been a problem except she tends to kick me either in the face, or someplace even worse. That makes it really hard to go to sleep. Throw on top of that the fact that Hirono turns forty years old tomorrow and the girls' first birthday is just a couple weeks away. Life seems to be spiraling away like the spinning jenny in an old Yeats poem.

This morning Hirono and I spoke about the fact that the girls really aren't infants anymore. Sure, they need diapers and they can't feed themselves or really take care of anything else; but, they've lost that total inability to cope that infants possess. They've become little girls. We both mentioned how much we miss those early days. They were so adorable and helpless, so needy.

Instinct makes us want to have children. Instinct probably makes us forget how hard a child is at the beginning. The first few months are a long blur of sleep deprivation, milk and diapers. I complained mightily during this first year. I remember the complaints. I remember the fatigue and the inability to even get my socks on correctly in the morning. But, something in me misses those days. The scary part is, that adoration and longing for the tiny infant makes both Hirono and me want to have another child.

Lord help us.