Already Reliving the Past

When Leia was very young, up until about 10 weeks old, she would love to fall asleep in my hands as I sang to her. By falling asleep in my hands I mean that she would rest her bottom on my diaphragm with the small of her back in my left hand and her head resting in my right hand. I'd slowly dance to the beat and sing her all kinds of songs. Stevie Wonder was on of my favorites and usually succeeded in getting her to sleep.

Then at about two and half months she stopped liking it. She wanted to be put down in the crib instead. At first it was a relief. I could just put her down and rest or do some work. After a while I started to miss our dances. Those were special times. She was usually so very tense, with her fists balled up even when breast feeding. But when I held her in my hands and sang to her she would drift off to sleep. Her eyes would slowly close; except for a little half open slit with her left eye where she would keep an eye on me. Her arms would drop and her hands would open. Eventually even her half closed eye would close and I could finally put her down in the crib.

Today Hirono was exhausted from her first week back to work. So I've taken care of the girls alone since 7:30 this morning. Alisa is the troublesome one to get to sleep. I finally got her down for a nap when Leia woke up again. After about two hours of playing (totally fun; but, mind numbing) she started to get cranky again. An hour of feeding and settling down later, I placed her on my shoulder and put on "Songs in the Key of Life". I danced around a little with her, trying to sway her to sleep. She started to squirm and worked across my chest until she lay in that old position across my diaphragm. The small of her back again in my left hand, she settled her head in my right hand and let out a sigh.

I couldn't help but cry while she drifted off to sleep.